2 months

Despite my best intentions, my attempt at writing weekly updates about Bo’s development failed miserably. I’ll blame it on the fact that I got sick, although I know I had failed long before that!

Anyway, I think monthly updates is a more achievable goal for me so here goes:

I can’t believe Bo is two months old! I’m sure I’ll feel this way every month but he’s growing up so fast!

He smiles all the time now and even tries to laugh a little.

He can tolerate a little bit of tummy time but then he gets mad. Sometimes, when he really doesn’t want to do it, he’ll just push off his hands and flip himself onto his back. He’s very strong and his neck strength is amazing.

Bo really doesn’t cry very often, unless he wants to be fed (and occasionally during a diaper change).

Breastfeeding is going well now. He still eats quite often (every 1.5-2 hours during the day and 2-3 hours at night). He’s a fast eater (compared to his older brother) so that makes things a bit easier. I’m also getting better at using my nursing cover and feeding in public. That was something I never quite mastered when Littleman was a baby.

At his two-month pediatrician appointment today, he weighed in at 13lbs 9oz! It’s amazing how fast they can pack on the weight.

He got his first set of immunizations today so he’s a whole bundle of fun this evening (won’t eat and screams his head off). Makes me appreciate how lucky we are that we don’t have a colicky baby!

One thing that was diagnosed when Bo was a couple of weeks old was a hydrocele. Basically there is an opening where his testicles descended from his abdomen that never closed up and he has fluid in his testicles, making them quite swollen. Apparently this usually resolves itself by the age of one, but our pediatrician decided to send him for an ultrasound today to make sure he didn’t have a hernia.

Turns out this kid loves ultrasounds! He smiled and cooed at the tech the whole time. And since it wasn’t a special pediatric clinic, he just had to lay on the regular table for the ultrasound. He looked so cute there (until, of course, he peed and then promptly pooed!) Hopefully nothing is wrong and the hydrocele will resolve itself soon.

So that’s where we are at two months old. Time is flying by and I’m enjoying every second with my sweet little guy!

23 weeks

This morning, a couple of my girlfriends at work were saying that they feel like my pregnancy is going by really quickly.  I had to laugh because it does not feel that way to me.  I guess that’s partially because I’ve spent a lot of this year being pregnant and partially because I didn’t tell work people until I was about 16 weeks along this time. 

Although I feel like I’ve been pregnant for a long time, I do feel like this fall is flying by.  This seems to be a particularly busy time of year and my head is spinning trying to keep up. 

The report from my anatomy scan finally showed up on my online health record this week.  I never heard from my OB, so I assumed all was well, but it was still good to see it.  Everything was normal and Baby Bo was measuring pretty close to where he should be (about four days bigger).  It was such a relief to see. 

Symptoms:  After a long day of work or a particularly busy day on my feet, I’m starting to notice the heaviness in my lower abdomen.  I’m already finding that it’s hard to get comfortable and that sitting for a long time (even through a meal) is hard.  I know I still have a long way to go so I better get used to the discomfort.  And I’m still tired.  So friggin’ tired.

Clothing: No new shopping this week but I’m definitely enjoying the maternity clothes.  There is nothing better than pulling my pants up to my boobs.    

Fetal movement:  Bo is on the go a lot more these days.  The other night as I was reading in bed (anyone read the Divergent series?  Loving it!!) Bo started going crazy with the kicking and flipping.  At one point, I actually saw my stomach moving.  I love it! 

Other: I got my flu shot yesterday.  I don’t get it every year, but I know it’s recommended for pregnant women and I got it when I was pregnant with Littleman, so I felt like I should do it.  My arm is hurting a bit now and (I know this is unrelated to the shot) I’m feeling a bit off today.  My throat is a bit scratchy and feels kind of swollen.  And I’m a bit headachy.  Ugh.  I really don’t have time to get sick!

 

20 weeks

Well, here we are at the halfway point of my pregnancy.  It’s kind of hard to believe, although in some ways it feels like I’ve been pregnant forever.  (Perhaps that’s because I have been pregnant for 8 months already in 2013!)

My pregnancy app finally tells me that Bo is no longer the size of a mango, but has moved on to a banana.  I find these fruit comparisons a little odd, but for some reason I still look forward to seeing what comes next.

Obviously, this week’s big news was our anatomy scan and finding out that Bo is a baby boy!   My sister had her scan as well and found out that she’s having a girl.  This may come out sounding all wrong, but telling people I’m having another boy has been hard.  It’s almost like everyone is a bit disappointed.  Like they assume that the perfect scenario is to have one of each, and that having two boys isn’t as ideal.  I know that I’m probably reading into things, but I can’t help feel weird about people’s reactions.  They say things like, “well, at least you won’t have to buy as much stuff” or “you already know what it’s like to have a boy” or even “you’ll have to try for another!”   I think this blog is the only place where people have truly seemed happy for me that it’s a boy.

Perhaps part of it is my own ever-so-slight sadness that I’ll never have a daughter.  I would have loved to have a girl.  But I’m thrilled to have two little boys.  Having a son has been so much more rewarding than I ever imagined and knowing I’m having another son makes my heart burst.   Regardless of all of this, it’s great to finally know that Bo is a boy.

At my OB appointment, Dr. P gave me the results from my IPS (Integrated Prenatal Screening) testing.  The results looked very good, with my odds of the baby having Down syndrome put at 1/2,200.    

Other than that, things continue to chug along.  Here’s a roundup of the usual stuff…

Symptoms:  I’m getting pretty frequent headaches these days.  Doc says to take Tylenol with some caffeine, and that‘s about all I can do.  Still tired all the time and still breaking out.  Had my first bout of heartburn last night after dinner, which was terribly uncomfortable.  Must remember not to eat so much… 

Clothing: I’m starting to get bored of my wardrobe already, which doesn’t bode well for the next few months.  I had a successful attempt at wearing maternity tights with a skirt yesterday (using my cami trick to hold them up).   The pants that seem to fit the best these days are the ones that go under my belly.  Unfortunately, they also make me look like I have a bad case of muffin top because my bump is still pretty soft (especially in the morning).  I hate feeling like I just look flabby, but the full panel pants (which I generally love) are still a bit too big for me these days.  Spending the day hiking the panel up to my boobs looks even more awkward than the muffin top!

Fetal movement:  Movement is still pretty limited, although at least I feel something every day.  Dr. P told me that, at this stage, I’ll only be feeling about 10% of Bo’s movements.  When he listened to the heartbeat with the Doppler, we could hear a bunch of wooshing and other sounds.  He told me that was movement, although I couldn’t feel a thing.  I’m still waiting for the moment that it gets strong enough for D to feel it on the outside.

 

It’s a…

We had our 20 week anatomy scan yesterday. I was as nervous as I always am for ultrasounds so it was hard to get excited about finding out the sex of our baby.

The tech was pretty quiet, which always adds to my stress, but D got to to be there the whole time and I could tell by his face that he was seeing everything.

We didn’t get much info about how things are going – will have to wait for the OB to get the report – but we did get a new pic of Bo:

We also got to see between the legs for confirmation of Bo’s sex. It was pretty obvious that Littleman is going to have a…

Yep, that’s right. It’s another boy!! I’m not totally surprised, although I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’m destined to live in an all-male household. Crazy!

Anyway, we’re happy to know that it’s a little “him” in there and look forward to getting ready for the little guy to join our family.

Finding out

Until I got pregnant for the first time, I had never really put much thought into finding out the sex of my potential future babies.  It was just something that I always assumed I would do.

But, it turns out that people have VERY strong opinions about finding out versus being surprised.

I fall into the finding out camp.  I’m a planner.  I like to know things.  If something can be known – if someone else knows it – then I want to know too.  And, everything about pregnancy and childbirth was a surprise for me.  I didn’t feel like I really needed another one.  Luckily, my husband felt the same way so we didn’t have any debate about it.

I totally get that some people would prefer to be surprised.  That’s completely fair.  What I don’t get is why some people feel the need to push their opinion about it so heavily on others.  My sister was originally on the fence about finding out.  Then, for planning purposes, she decided that she wants to know.  But some people have been so rude to her about it, telling her not to find out and that her decision is terrible.  What?  Why do they care?  I feel sad that some of her friends/acquaintances are being such Debbie Downers and making her feel bad about something that she should be allowed to get excited about.

Anyway, all this is to say that finding out the sex of our baby in advance is a choice we get to make ourselves.  And, if all goes well, we will know on Monday if it’s another little boy or a little girl who will be joining our family.

When I was pregnant with Littleman, I felt very certain that I was carrying a boy from the very beginning.  I don’t know why, exactly, but I just sort of knew.  If they had told me it was a girl, I would have been flabbergasted.

This time, I don’t feel strongly either way.  D thinks it’s a girl, as do a couple of my other friends.  Others feel that it’s definitely another boy.  The old wives tales lean a little more towards girl, but I certainly don’t put much stock into those. 

A girl would be amazing because I have always been a bit of a girly-girl myself.  I am very close with my mother and having a daughter of my own would be wonderful.  But another boy would also be great.  I see how close some of the brothers are in our neighbourhood and I would love for Littleman to have that too. 

In the end, all we really wish for is a healthy and happy baby.  Boy or girl, we’ll find out in three more days!

Fears

As I lay on the couch last night, totally exhausted, I realized that I had been through a lot more than I gave myself credit for yesterday.

You see, I’ve come to fear ultrasounds.  Actually, I’m downright terrified of them.

During my first pregnancy (Littleman) I had many, many ultrasounds due to his heart arrhythmia.  Aside from the first scary diagnosis of it, I never really worried that much about the ultrasounds.  I’d just hop up on the table, let the tech do their thing, take a quick peek at my kid and then hit the road.

But after that horrible day in March when an ultrasound revealed that my second baby had stopped growing, my whole attitude shifted.  No longer is an ultrasound an exciting opportunity to see my sweet baby.  Now, that machine is source of complete and utter terror.

Anyway, back to yesterday.  I didn’t really have a chance to get nervous about my ultrasound because I didn’t even know I was having one until after I heard the baby’s heartbeat on the Doppler.  This definitely helped ease my anxiety.  And, because it all happened so fast, it wasn’t until after the ultrasound was finished that I had the chance to process the fact that this was my first time back to that place since the day I found out about my miscarriage.  In fact, my mom and I sat in almost the exact same place in the waiting room as we were on that horrible day almost five months ago.

Ever since I found out I was pregnant with this baby, I’ve been scared to go back to there.  I didn’t want to sit in those chairs and wait to be seen.  I didn’t want to lie on that table and watch the tech’s face as they placed the wand on my belly.  And, obviously, I don’t ever, EVER want to hear the horrible news that my baby has passed away.  I thought and worried and stressed a lot about the day that I would have to return to that part of the hospital, knowing that I would be an emotional wreck.

The next few weeks are a big hurdle for me to clear and, given where I am in this pregnancy, I’m sure the next ultrasound will be incredibly scary too.  However, if I’m going to make it through the next six months, I’m going to have to try my best to conquer my fears.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop being scared of ultrasounds.  I think the innocence I had during my first pregnancy is gone forever.  But I do feel pleased that I made it through yesterday unscathed and am determined to do my best to stay strong over the next few weeks.

Checking in on Baby Bo

So, big day today.  I survived my 12 week OB appointment and had a surprise NT scan!

I woke up this morning feeling pretty nervous for my appointment.  D had to work so I asked my mom to come with me.  After what we’ve been through in the past, it feels much better having another person there with me.

Dr. P works at a teaching hospital, so a student doctor met with me first.  She was really sweet and did all the background and initial questions.  After the paperwork stuff was out of the way, she had me hop up on the table to feel my uterus.  After that, she pulled out the Doppler to check for the heartbeat.  I’m pretty sure my own heart stopped beating as I was waiting for her to find it.  Luckily, it didn’t take long before that beautiful sound filled the room at 166 bpm!

After checking my blood pressure and weight, Dr. P came in to see me.  I told him that I was having some more vaginal and bum itching (yep, gross) kind of similar to earlier in my pregnancy when I was diagnosed with a yeast infection.  He took a quick look and said he doesn’t think it’s yeast, but rather a skin irritation.  He said it’s nothing serious and prescribed a hydrocortisone cream that is safe for use in pregnancy.  I should feel relief in 48 hours.  Thank goodness!

Dr. P said he knows that these will be a tough couple of weeks for me to get through, given what happened last time, so instead of waiting four weeks for next appointment, he would see me in two.  I feel so lucky to have such a kind and compassionate doctor!  Unfortunately, for scheduling reasons, the appointment ends up being in three weeks instead of two.  Oh well, better than waiting four weeks!

After that, we talked about the NT scan and we both agreed that I would move forward with it.  Apparently, there were a lot of cancellations in the ultrasound department for the Women and Babies program today, so they were able to squeeze me in.  It was a bit disappointing that D wasn’t with me, but at least he had seen the baby during the ultrasound in the ER a few weeks ago.

My mom, on the other hand, was absolutely thrilled to be there.  I asked her to come in the ultrasound room with me so she could see.  The tech we had was really great and talked us through the whole thing.  After hearing my history, he was quick to point out where he thinks they saw the subchorionic bleed and said he wasn’t concerned about it at all.  He took all the important measurements and gave me a pic of our little Bo.

After the ultrasound, I was sent off for the bloodwork.  I’ll have to wait for the official results, but all the measurements from the scan fall within the normal range, which is definitely a relief.

In other news, my sister is having her NT scan right now, as I type this.  I still find it kind of crazy that we’re going through all this at almost the exact same time.

Anyway, I’m feeling pretty exhausted now after a long morning at the hospital, but I’m definitely feeling relieved for now.  Getting through these next couple of weeks will be emotionally challenging but I’m hoping I can ride on this good news for a while.

 

Another scary day

Things have been getting pretty crazy around here.  When I said that last week’s incident probably wouldn’t be my only “freak-out moment” of this pregnancy, I don’t think I realized the next one would come quite so soon…

I didn’t have any more spotting after the ultrasound on Thursday.  I also hadn’t heard any results from that ultrasound, so I took that to mean there was nothing out of the ordinary to report.  I felt pretty crummy off-and-on over the weekend – mostly feeling nauseous in the evenings and had been going to bed super early.

Yesterday, I was 8w5d.  I woke up and went to work as usual.  I was having a bit of gas-like cramping, but my tummy had been a bit off (I was a little constipated over the weekend and then had some diarrhea) so I wasn’t really concerned.  Just before 10:00 a.m., I got up from my desk to  go to the washroom.  I felt a bit of wetness “down there” but I assumed it was my usual pregnancy discharge – watery/creamy/whitish stuff.  When I arrived at the washroom and sat down, there was an immediate huge gush of blood.  It was bright red and way more blood than a normal menstrual bleed.  I was freaking out.  How could this be happening?  I just saw Bo looking perfect on Thursday.  How could I have a miscarriage now?

I pulled myself together and made it back to my desk.  I somehow managed to set my out-of-office response on my email and stumbled over to my boss to tell her I had to leave.  She didn’t know about my pregnancy yet, so I felt I had to tell her.  She was very good about it and I rambled about my situation as she walked me down to catch a cab.

D was up at the farm doing some work, so it would take him a while to get back to the city.  I couldn’t get a hold of my mom and first, so I knew I was going to have to go the ER on my own.  Mom finally called back and met me at the hospital.  She made it there before the triage nurse had even seen me.  I managed to hold myself together until I was talking to the nurse.  That’s when I started sobbing.

I made it through triage and registration relatively quickly.  Our hospital is massive and has a crazy busy ER, so usually the wait is very long.  Of course, once inside, I was escorted to yet another waiting room.  To wait.  D arrived while I was waiting to be seen.  Around noon, a doctor came to get us.

We went into an examination room and I described my symptoms again.  At this point, I hadn’t had any more bleeding beyond that one big gush.  I told the doctor about my spotting and subsequent ultrasound on Thursday.  He said he would do a “screening” ultrasound right away and then we’d take it from there.

I lay down fully prepared to be told that I had miscarried.  I felt sick to my stomach, but strangely calm.  He pulled in the portable ultrasound machine and got down to business.  D was standing beside me and I knew he could see the screen but I couldn’t see anything and D was keeping quiet.  Finally the doctor asked if I wanted to see the baby and turned the screen toward me.  It was much less clear than the previous ultrasounds, but I could definitely see the blob of a baby and the fluttering heart.  Thank God.

He told us that the ultrasound machine wasn’t good enough to measure the heart rate properly but that everything looked normal to him.  He said he suspected that I had a subchorionic bleed, which apparently is common cause of first trimester bleeding.  I would get a more detailed ultrasound that afternoon, as well as urine and blood work.

Back to the little waiting room to wait some more.  In the meantime, I called Dr. P’s office to let him know I was in the ER.  His receptionist said that my ultrasound from last week had been “normal” but did show a small subchorionic bleed.  She said it was good that I was getting checked again and that they would look out for the results.  Um, why hadn’t they called and told me about the bleed??  I’m sure I still would have freaked out, but maybe not quite as much…

Anyway, after many hours of waiting, we were finally taken to radiology for the second ultrasound.  After a quick abdominal ultrasound, they moved on to transvaginal.  When I say “they”, I mean that I got to have it done twice because there was a student as well as the regular technologist.

After that, I was given a radiology report to take back to the ER doc.  It was stapled shut so I couldn’t read it (I sure tried though).  Shortly after returning to the ER, the doctor pulled us aside to tell us the findings:

• a very small subchorionic bleed was seen on the ultrasound
• likely a lot the blood came out in the morning during the “gush”
• there may be some more bleeding or the rest of the blood may be reabsorbed by my body
• the baby looked good and measured normally with a heart rate of 171 bpm, however this is still considered a miscarriage risk – meaning I could go on to have a normal pregnancy or it could cause a miscarriage
• there are also signs of an umbilical cord cyst (not related to the bleeding) which needs to be re-checked at the NT scan between 12 and 14 weeks

Woosh, that’s a lot to take in.  By the time we got home, I was completely exhausted.  I had a quick dinner and was in bed by 7:00 p.m.  I did a bunch of reading online (which sometimes helps, sometimes not) and had a bit of trouble falling asleep. 

This morning, Dr. P called after receiving all the results.  He definitely made me feel a lot better.  He said the baby looks great and doesn’t seem to be affected at all by the bleed.  My HCG levels look great.  He expects that I may bleed some more (in fact, I had another smaller gush last night before bed) and he said any bleeding should be dark red to black in colour. 

Dr. P told me that I can do normal light activity (i.e. go to work) but no intercourse, heavy lifting or strenuous activity.

I asked about the umbilical cord cyst as well.  After reading on the internet, I was a bit scared (can be a sign of chromosomal abnormalities in the second and third trimester) but it looks like most cysts found in the first trimester – especially between 8 and 9 weeks – disappear by the second trimester and end up with normal pregnancy outcomes.  Anyway, he said it was so small that he wasn’t even sure that there was a cyst and that we’d check on it at the next ultrasound.

All in all, I was told to try not to worry.  Easier said than done, but I don’t have much other choice right now.  There’s nothing we can do to stop the bleeding so I just have to wait it out.  I’m trying  my best to stay positive and hope that everything resolves itself.

 

Scary day

Yesterday morning, at 8w1d, I got up just after 6:00 a.m. as usual.  I went into the bathroom to start my morning routine.  That is where things got scary.  When I wiped after my pee, I noticed I was spotting.  It was dark brown and kind of stringy, but there was a fair amount of it.

My heart started pounding and I started to sweat.  I could feel myself getting dizzy, so I booted it back to the bedroom to lie down for a minute.  I was absolutely terrified.  How could this be happening?

After lying there for a couple of minutes and taking some deep breaths, I started to feel a bit better and was able to get myself moving again.  D was at work and I had to get Littleman up and to daycare.  I had a quick shower, called in sick to work and left a message for my OB’s office.  Somehow I managed to get Littleman fed, dressed and out the door.

I came back home and hit the couch.  I logged on to my work computer remotely, but my concentration just wasn’t there so I didn’t get much done.

The OB’s office called back just before 9:00.  They wanted me to get an ultrasound, so emailed me a requisition.  I was able to get an appointment nearby for 2:30 p.m., which left me with a few hours to kill.  Between trips to the bathroom to check on the spotting (which, for the most part had tapered off) I watched a couple episodes of Big Brother on my PVR.  It’s an awful show but I kind of love it anyway.  It was definitely a decent distraction.

D called to say he was coming home from work to go to the appointment with me.  I know how hard it is for him to get out of work so I really, really appreciated it.  When I found out about my mmc back in March, D was busy so my mom had taken me to the hospital.  I can’t imagine having been completely alone.

Anyway, as it got closer to the appointment time, I got more and more nervous.  I chugged the required 1/2 litre of water, which didn’t help the horrible feeling in my stomach.

Luckily they took me in pretty quickly when we arrived at the ultrasound clinic.  The technologist (thank goodness) mumbled something almost immediately when she put the wand on my belly, along the lines of “I’ll just look a bit more and then show you the baby.”

After a pretty quick abdominal ultrasound, she let me pee (best feeling ever!) and then did a transvaginal ultrasound.  That one took a lot longer but then, finally, I got to see my sweet little Bo.  There he/she was, looking much more like a real baby and with a nice strong heartbeat flickering away at 170 bpm!  The tech said the baby was measuring 8w1d (perfect!).  She gave me a printout of the ultrasound and sent me on my way, saying the doctor would get the results.

Bo at 8w1d

So, I still have no idea what caused the spotting but I am so incredibly relieved that Bo is still in there and apparently growing as expected.  Hopefully, I’ll hear from Dr. P’s office soon so I’ll know for sure if there is anything to worry about.  But, I’m guessing there will probably be no explanation for the spotting.

I wish I could be one of those people who has a relatively straightforward, uneventful pregnancy, but I guess that’s not meant to be.  This probably won’t be the only freak-out moment of this pregnancy.  However, I can only hope that things continue to be OK in there.  For now, crisis averted.

First hurdle crossed

According to my LMP, I’m 6 weeks 5 days today.  And this morning was my first ultrasound.

I was terribly nervous all weekend and felt sick to my stomach when I woke up this morning.  I choked down my two tall glasses of water and headed downtown to the ultrasound clinic.  My heart was pounding as I tried to read my book to distract myself in the waiting room.  Luckily, my name was called pretty quickly.

I recognized the ultrasound tech from one of my ultrasounds from previous pregnancy and felt my first wave of relief.  I recalled her being very quiet during the exam but she actually told me the results afterwards, rather than making me wait to hear from my doctor like most of them do.

Anyway, I was shaking as I climbed up on the table.  She started with the abdominal ultrasound and almost immediately after the wand touched my belly I thought I heard her mumble under her breath “you are pregnant.”  Of course, my complete terror could have caused me to hallucinate, so I didn’t totally trust what I had heard.

The abdominal ultrasound went on for a while and then she sent me to “empty my bladder” for the transvaginal ultrasound.  That one went on even longer, which of course had me continuing to worry.  My legs started to shake as I tried to stay calm and breath.

Finally, she turned the screen and showed me my beautiful baby!  There was Bo, looking perfect (or as perfect as a little fluttering blob can possibly look!)  She pointed out the gestational sac and yolk sac (which, honestly, I had to google when I got to work) and, when I asked, she showed me the tiny flicker of the minuscule heart. 

She said everything looked perfect and that, based on the measurement (.77cm) she estimated Bo’s due date to be exactly what was expected based on my LMP: February 26, 2014.

I can’t quite put into words how relieved I feel right now.  I know that we still have many more hurdles to cross in this pregnancy journey and I don’t know when, if at all, I will be able to relax and enjoy it.  But, today is a good day and I’m so truly happy that my little one is thriving.