Another year

As 2015 draws to a close, I have become more aware than ever of how quickly time is moving.  I realize that I’ve been an absentee blogger for much of this year.  In fact, as I sat down to write this, I noticed that my last post was more than two months ago.  How did that happen?

I guess I sort of know the answer to that.  Or the answers (plural).  First, of course, I went back to work after a year-long maternity leave.  Being a working mom of two young boys has challenged me more than I could have known.  They are such good boys, but just managing the regular day-to-day tasks like daycare pick ups, making dinner, baths, laundry, packing lunch, etc. is enough to drain me.

Then there’s work itself.  I was promoted to manager while I was on mat leave and inherited an employee who I had never met before.  This employee is challenging in many ways and it has made the transition tougher than it should have been.  I was promoted again a couple of months ago and I now have five employees and a new area of responsibility.  This is a good thing but doesn’t leave me with any extra time.

And, as is to be expected, we enjoyed a few weeks of illness in our house, culminating in a miserable sinus infection for me right before the holidays.

So here we are now.  Christmas is over and it’s New Year’s Eve.  We’re at the farm with my family and the littles are napping.  The others are outside playing in the (tiny bit of) snow.  It’s too much for me to reflect on the whole of 2015, other than to say that it had its ups and downs.  It was a tough year for me in many ways, but a good year overall.  My boys are growing and developing and doing amazing things everyday.  We’re all healthy.  That’s all I really need.

I know I need to take some time to really think about this blog and whether or not there is a future for me here.  I did not intend to just drop off the face of the earth – I often wonder and worry about others when that happens – and I truly thought I could keep going.  But now I wonder if I really do have anything more to say.  And, more importantly, the time and desire to say it.

In the meantime, I’m still here in the background, following your celebrations and struggles, your losses and joys.  I’m still here reading about your kids and families, your recipes and fashion finds, your ups and your downs.  I don’t comment very often (I usually sneak in a quick read at the bus stop or on the elevator) but I am here.

Happy New Year… 2016 here we come!

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Go Jays Go!

We’re all pretty excited around here with the Blue Jays in the playoffs for the first time in more than 20 years. Today, on the way to school, Littleman announced, “it’s Blue Jays day for the whole world!” I didn’t bother explaining to him that his statement wasn’t entirely true. Because it was Blue Jays day in his whole world and that’s the only world that really matters to him.   

Game 1 was a bit of a bust for the Jays, but that didn’t stop us from cheering them on. I want to share the experience of watching our team with the boys. 

I have great memories of watching the Blue Jays with my parents when I was a kid. I was a teenager when the Jays won back-to-back World Series and it was so much fun.   Tomorrow D and I are going to Game 2 and I can’t wait to cheer on the Jays in person. Go Jays Go!

Proud mama

As my kids get older, I’m realizing that there’s a lot more to this whole parenting thing than meets the eye. Sure, parenting babies is tough. Sleepless nights, feeding issues, gross diapers, teething misery…all legitimate challenges. But making sure my children turn into good people with the kind of qualities I like to see in a human being? Man, that’s tough.

My husband and I do our best to instill in our children good manners and the importance of being well-behaved. We (attempt to!) discipline when appropriate without constantly nagging. It’s a fine balance.  Sometimes I feel like I’m always saying “no” or “don’t” so I’ve started trying harder to think about whether or not it’s really necessary before I tell my kids to stop doing something.

All that being said, we got a really nice compliment from one of Littleman’s daycare teachers the other day. Littleman is currently one of the oldest kids at the daycare and will be leaving to start kindergarten in September. At the beginning of the month, several new children joined his class. Apparently, he took one of the new kids, “Jack”, under his wing and has been helping him get adjusted to his new classroom. He’s been showing Jack where things are and sitting with him during activities. He even helped Jack cut his food at lunch when he was struggling one day.

The teacher was very complimentary about how kind and helpful Littleman has been. I’m not gonna lie, I was very proud. As parents, it often feels like our kids don’t listen to anything we say and we rarely get a chance to witness how they act when we aren’t there with them. It was so nice to hear that our child took it upon himself to help another person.

I hope as he grows, he continues to be the kind and loving person that he is today. Because, so far, I’m one proud mama! 

   

I’m still here…

I know, I know.  I did that thing where I got so far behind in writing that I just didn’t know how to start again.  I think the last time I really meant to write was when Bo turned 15 months.  And now he’s more than 16 months…

So, I’m here.  I’m ok.  We’re taking some vacation time this week and hanging out at the farm so I’m hoping to get a bit of alone time (haha, ya right!) to catch up on some writing.  But for now, here is brief status update:

  • Bo is finally walking!  He took his first real steps a couple of weeks ago and just this week, he’s finally realized that walking is faster/better than crawling.  Good timing, because it’s damn hot here and I couldn’t put him in shorts when he was crawling because his poor knees were getting all butchered.
  • Summer is so much better than winter.  We are spending tons of time outside and, when I’m on my own with the kids, we’re all so much happier when we aren’t stuck indoors.
  • We bought a bouncy castle.  It’s just a small basic one but the boys love it.  Money well spent!
  • Work has been a bit rough lately.  I have a challenging employee (who was hired for me when I was on maternity leave).  I’ve been trying so hard to be open-minded but it’s getting really hard.

I’m feeling like our vacation couldn’t have come at a better time.  I know I’ve only been back at work for four months, but I was definitely starting to burn out.  I’m hoping a nice break, with time spent out of the city with my guys, will help refresh me.  Now I’m going to crack open my eReader and enjoy a few moments of silence by the pool before the baby awakes and the other boys return from their work in the field.  The only company I have right now are these girls – and I’m pretty sure they’re too busy chomping on the grass to bother with me! 

   

Life lessons: sun protection

As I slathered on my SPF 60 yesterday before heading outside for some time at the pool, I realized that I’ve finally accepted that my skin is pale.  

Growing up, sun care was not the same as it is today. My sister and I are pretty fair-skinned (thanks to our Irish-Canadian mother who’s genes managed to dominate over those of our Italian dad). I remember my mom cracking out the SPF 8 “sun tan lotion” and sometimes, if we were getting really red, we’d have to use 15. Can you even buy 8 anymore?  Does it actually help?

Anyway, as I got older, I knew I needed to take better care of my skin – and I new how painful sunburns could be. But I still loved the feeling of being in the sun and felt so much better about myself when I had a great tan. 

Now that I’m a mom, I’ve finally accepted that it just isn’t worth it. Already, I can see the damage that’s been done to my skin – the fine lines and freckles. I hope that my kids will grow up knowing that their skin is beautiful just the way it is. I hope that they understand how important it is that they protect themselves from the harmful effects of the sun. 

 Just yesterday, Littleman looked outside and spotted my dad on the tractor, cutting the lawn with no shirt on. He announced to my mom, “Nana! Nonno is outside with none shirt and none sunscreen!”

I think he’s getting the message. 

Jealous of what I already have?

More and more often these days, I find myself thinking about having another baby. Wouldn’t it be amazing?, I think. Then I remember how little our house is. And how often I’m alone with my kids while my husband works nights or weekends. And, the real kicker, how expensive childcare is.

I know you’re probably thinking, you’ve said this all before. What’s changed?

On the one hand, nothing has changed. If we could afford a bigger house in our neighbourhood and childcare expenses, then, yes, we may be more seriously considering a third child.

On the other hand, I’m so super lucky to have what I always wanted: two amazing kids.

I just found out that one my friends (who is also my next door neighbour) is pregnant with her second baby. Her first is just a few weeks older than Bo. When she first told me (last night, by text) I felt the familiar kick-in-the-gut stab of jealousy. What?  Why do I feel this way?  She’s getting exactly what I already have and, yet, I’m feeling jealous of her?

I saw a girl at work yesterday who is due to give birth to her first baby later this month. She is huge and feels uncomfortable. And I was jealous.

My husband showed me a picture of his buddy’s brand new daughter last night. She was still a little bloody, and naked, and perfect. And I was jealous.

After a semi-decent night’s sleep and a chance to reflect on all of yesterday’s baby-related revelations (we won’t even discuss Kim and Kanye), I’m starting to wonder if what I’m really jealous of is the fact that these people are just starting their family building journeys. They still have all the craziness and unknowns and excitement of pregnancy/childbirth/life with a newborn ahead of them.  Is that it?  Perhaps.

I have to remind myself that I hated trying to get pregnant and I didn’t really enjoy pregnancy. But seeing two pink lines on that test (ok, who am kidding, those 20 tests!) is so freaking amazing.

And actual labour and childbirth was not my favourite (nor was recovery) but those sweet new babies are the best.

Plus, there is that wonderful year of maternity leave.  There was nothing better than having a year at home to focus on my family and spending time with my sweet baby.  But that also means returning to work, which has been significantly harder the second time around and I imagine would bet even tougher if I had to do it again.

I know that it’s time for me to start focusing on the next stage of life – helping my babies grow into successful people.  It appears that it just may take me a while to come to terms with the fact that our family is complete.  In the meantime, I will do my best to smile and wish my friends well as they continue to grow their own families.