2013 was certainly an interesting year for me. I’m not going to lie, I’m not exactly devastated that it’s over. I’m feeling pretty ready to move forward with a new year and the new adventures that we have ahead of us. As I reflect on 2013, there are few highs and lows that come to mind immediately:
Finding out I was pregnant with Baby #2: In early January 2013, after eight months of trying for our second baby, we found out I was expecting. I was so excited. We felt ready to add to our family and it was great to see that positive test after months of unsuccessful attempts.
Our first vacation as a couple since becoming parents: In April, D and I decided to take our first vacation without Littleman. It felt strange to leave our son at home, but we really needed some time to relax and heal after losing the pregnancy. I had mixed feelings about going but it ended up being a great decision. We had an amazing time relaxing in the sun, sleeping in, eating and drinking whatever (and whenever!) we wanted and just generally enjoying some adult time.
The first full summer at the farm: My family didn’t get the farm until late last summer, so this was our first full summer there. It was so nice to be able to spend many of our weekends there, as well as our week-long summer vacation. My parents put in a pool this summer, which really was the icing on the cake. Littleman loves everything about the farm and it made our summer pretty darn awesome.
Finding out I was pregnant with Baby #2 (again): In May, we were given the go-ahead to start trying to conceive again after the miscarriage. In June, I found out I was pregnant again. I put this on the “highs” list because, of course, this was great news. But, emotionally, it was scary and challenging. At the time, it was hard to be excited or to even consider it a positive thing.
Miscarriage: This one is obvious. In March, at 14 weeks pregnant, I found out that our little one had died. After a perfect 12 week ultrasound, it came as a total shock. I had a D&C the next day and then started the long process of trying to wrap my head around what had happened and how we were going to move forward from it.
Bleeding: In July, when I was about eight weeks pregnant (for the second time this year), I started gushing blood. This was, by far, the scariest day of the year. After going through the miscarriage and D&C, I lived in constant fear of something going wrong with my next pregnancy. But, that didn’t mean I was prepared for something to actually go wrong! After spending the day in the ER, I was (thankfully) diagnosed with a subchorionic bleed. Baby was absolutely fine, which belongs on the “highs” list, but the day was awful.
Work: I don’t talk about my work here very much, but it was a bit of tough year there. The morale in my department has hit an all-time low. We have some crappy, crappy management and things have been pretty miserable around there. I’ve tried to stay out of the shit as much as I can – mainly because I had enough personal stuff on my plate to deal with – but it’s hard not to be affected by the mood there.
Although there are a lot of good things that happened this past year, I’m more than ready to move forward and see what 2014 has in store for us. Littleman is becoming such a big man and I think he will make a wonderful big brother. It will exciting and challenging for all of us as we adjust to being a family of four. My sister is expecting her first baby at the same time, which will be another crazy change for our family.
For me, 2013 was clouded with sadness and worry. While I’ve never been one to make New Year’s resolutions, I’m going to do my best to change the way I look at things in 2014. I know I won’t be able to completely stop worrying – that’s not in my nature – but I do plan to think more positively and try to see bright side of things. I hope that the struggles and sadness we faced in 2013 will mean that we’re due for some greatness in 2014. But, whatever life throws at me, I know that I’m a lucky, lucky woman to be facing it with Littleman and D (and soon-to-arrive Baby Bo).