About five-and-a-half years ago, I tossed out my birth control pills as we prepared to begin trying to start a family. It took longer than expected to conceive our first son and, knowing that it could take a while again, I didn’t go back on birth control between pregnancies. After a miscarriage and then another successful pregnancy, we are pretty certain that our family is now complete.
At my eight-weeks-postpartum check-up (way back in May!), my OB asked me what my birth control plans were. He went through all the options and recommended Mirena (an intrauterine system). I accepted the prescription from him, figuring I’d think about and talk to my husband and then make the appointment to get it inserted.
Then I procrastinated.
It feels weird. After all these years of thinking about having babies, planning for babies, trying for babies, being pregnant with babies, losing a baby, birthing babies and nursing babies, it feels really, really weird to be focusing on not having babies.
While we don’t intend to have any more children, I still don’t feel 100% ready to make a permanent commitment to being finished. D is a little more certain (OK, a lot more certain). We both agree, though, that having another child just doesn’t make sense for us financially. Daycare is expensive. Our house is too small. If we were to win the lottery, then, sure, we’d likely have a larger family. But, given our current situation, our family of four is just right.
So, that leaves us needing birth control. I’m still breastfeeding and my period hasn’t returned, although I know that doesn’t mean I can’t get pregnant. We’ve been using condoms since Bo was born, but that’s not our favourite solution. I really don’t want to go on the pill again, after being off it for so long. Plus, after two kids, my memory isn’t what it used to be. I don’t love the idea of having to remember to take it everyday (something I was excellent at before having kids!)
I had coffee with a friend this week who is having her second baby by a scheduled c-section a few days from now. She’s trying to decide if she should get her tubes tied at the same time. That wasn’t an option for me, having a vaginal delivery, but it made me wonder what I would have chosen to do if I was in her situation.
We’ve talked about D having a vasectomy and it is something we’ll probably look at more seriously in the future but, for now, I bit the bullet and called the OB. I scheduled an appointment to have the Mirena inserted. I have an appointment for January. When the receptionist was booking the appointment, she told me that I’ll need to take a pregnancy test the morning of my appointment to ensure I’m not pregnant. Just the thought of that makes me feel strange. I’ve never taken a pregnancy test hoping it would be negative.
For many reasons, I know that I’ll need that test to be negative. But, I also know that a little part of me will feel disappointed to see only one line.