In a week and a half, my maternity leave will end and I will be back at work. It will mark the end of thirteen months at home, waiting for and then caring for my sweet baby boy.
D is working day shift this week and Bo is doing progressively longer days at daycare in preparation for my return to work. Littleman is back at daycare too, after our trip to Florida (and an injury that caused him to miss a few days of daycare upon our return). This means I’ve had some time at home on my own.
Sounds great, right? Well, unfortunately, my anxiety means that I’m not able to sit and enjoy some of my final moments at home by myself. I actually tried to watch a show from my pvr this morning, thinking it would be like the good old days when I’d have some down time. But no such luck. I could feel my shoulders getting tighter and my mind was racing with all that I should be doing. There are so many things that I meant to get done before I go back to work and just not enough time (never enough time!) to do them all.
Yesterday my mom came over and we cooked a bunch of meals for the freezer. Soups, sauces, stews. Today I baked some muffins to freeze. With the current freezer stash, we should be able to make it through a few weeks of me working without having to stress too much about dinners. I sorted through my make-up and tossed a bunch of old stuff. I cleaned out my jewellery box and detangled necklaces and earrings. I walked around the house in my new shoes in an attempt to get used to wearing heels again. Tomorrow I’m getting my hair cut and next week my mom and I have a spa day planned (thank goodness because my shoulders really, really need a massage!)
This isn’t my first time going back to work after a year-long mat leave. I’ve done this before and I know that it sucks. It’s damn hard and it won’t get easier for a long time. I wish that I could stay home and take care of my family. I wish I didn’t need to stress about when the laundry will get done or how I will manage to make dinner or when I will get to spend time with my boys. But I don’t have a choice so I’m trying my hardest to prepare myself and our home for this big change.