I took a pregnancy test yesterday.
I woke up at 7am, needing to pee, and stumbled into the bathroom. As I’ve done countless other times, I reached into the cupboard and fumbled around in the dark for my (dollar store – no sense in wasting big bucks) test and the empty cup that I’d stashed there the night before. I peed in the cup and used the dropper to add the required amount of urine to the test. And then I waited.
No, I didn’t think I was pregnant. In fact, I knew the chances were slim to none. But, my OB required me to take one before he would insert my new IUD.
Over the past six years, I’ve done the whole pee-on-a-stick routine a lot. Each and every time, my heart pounded in my chest as I waited with hope for the second line to appear. I’ve never taken a pregnancy test hoping that it was negative. And, crazily enough, this time was no exception. I knew, for practical reasons, that it wouldn’t be good if I was pregnant again. Financially, it would be bad for us. Work wise, it would be bad for me. But knowing I was about to take measures to prevent pregnancy for the forseeable future, I had a brief moment of wanting to be pregnant again. The test, of course, was negative.
The logical side of me was relieved. Of course I couldn’t be pregnant. We don’t have enough space! We don’t make enough money! I wouldn’t be back at work long enough to be eligible for a mat leave top-up again! The emotional side of me felt a bit disappointed, though. My baby is getting so big! He’s going to be going off to daycare soon! He’ll wean from the breast before I know it!
As planned, my OB inserted the IUD that afternoon. It hurt like a mofo and I bled a little bit afterwards. I have to get an ultrasound in a couple of weeks to confirm that it’s in the proper place. And then, after that, we won’t have to worry about birth control anymore.
I know this is a good thing. Although I’m not totally ready to accept it, I know we don’t plan to have more children. I don’t expect that our family plans will change but at least I can take some comfort in knowing that we haven’t done anything permanent. Maybe one day our situation will be different and we will try to have another child. Likely not. But, either way, that option is open to us. For now.