I wrote my first post on this blog a year ago. I was sitting at home, struggling to recover from the biggest hit I’d ever taken. My body healed pretty quickly after my D&C, but my soul was crushed. My husband went back to work and my toddler was in daycare. I sat at home and wondered how I was going to move forward after losing what would have been our second baby.
That was when I found the online community of bloggers who had been through or were currently experiencing exactly what I was dealing with (or worse). I have some amazing friends and family in real life – all of whom were incredibly supportive – but what I really needed were people who had been there. I needed people who weren’t going to say things like “at least you know you can get pregnant” or “you can always try again.” I needed to see that other women had dealt with this kind of pain and had survived to tell about it.
When I started writing my story, I was blown away by the kindness of the strangers who reached out to me to show their support (you know who you are!) These people really helped me to realize that it would take some time – a long time – to come to terms with my loss. And that it was ok to be sad.
Today, I find myself in strange position. It’s been a year since my miscarriage. A year since I started this blog. I’m at home caring for my second son, my “rainbow” baby, who is an amazingly sweet little boy. But that doesn’t mean that I’m over it.
I’m not ready to walk away from this community of support. I’m not ready to stop writing. But my life is different now. I’m not constantly struggling with the pain of my pregnancy loss. I’m not trying to get pregnant or worrying that something will go wrong with my pregnancy. In fact, things are pretty darn good.
I started writing in this space for me, as a way to manage my own thoughts and feelings. At some point, blogging morphed into more of a conversation with others, which I really love. So do I keep writing, even though my story has changed? Does anybody care about life with my two boys? I guess the answer is that I care and as long as I do, I will keep writing here. I hope others will stick around for the journey.