Three years ago this morning, with a pop and a gush, my life changed. As I lounged in bed on January 31, 2011, my water broke, signalling the start of Littleman’s entrance into this world.
Being a mom is something I always wanted. Being Littleman’s mom is something I couldn’t have dreamed of.
Looking at him now, it’s hard to remember what life was like before he arrived. In three short years, he’s become everything to us. I’m so proud of him. He’s such a special kid. He’s smart and funny. He’s handsome and strong.
That being said, I’ve been suffering from some mommy guilt lately.
This has been a tough year for me and I worry that I haven’t given Littleman all that I could give. I started 2013 being pregnant. I suffered a miscarriage, which hit me extremely hard and I know that I wasn’t fully emotionally present for a long time afterwards. Then I found myself pregnant again – this time with many weeks of nausea and exhaustion. With some early complications, I wasn’t able to lift Littleman anymore. And now, on his birthday, I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy and am struggling with mobility and dealing with the aches and pains of late pregnancy.
I’m sad that I haven’t been on my A-game for the last of Littleman’s time as an only child. Although he talks about his baby brother all the time, I know that he has no idea what is about to hit him. He’s so used to being the centre of our universe and the change is going to be tough for him.
But today was all about him. And it was a great day.
We decided to take the day off and keep him home from daycare so we could visit Toronto’s new aquarium. We took the bus and subway to get there (little kid’s dream = pregnant lady’s nightmare!) The place was jam-packed with people, but Littleman was on his best behaviour.
We bought him something he’s been asking for – Woody from Toy Story. We also got him a photo puzzle, made from a family photo of the three of us.
He requested a “Cars” birthday cake, so his super-non-crafty mama worked her arse off to make him one.
I can’t believe my baby boy is so grown up. Happy Birthday to my sweet, sweet boy. I love you more than you can know.