Getting real

Although I am well aware that I am pregnant (I have the ever-expanding belly and sleepless nights to prove it!) I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around it.  Aside from on this blog, I didn’t talk about my pregnancy for a long time.  After experiencing the miscarriage in March, we waited a lot longer to tell people we were expecting again.  In fact, there are some people I just told by email over the Christmas holidays (out of towners who I haven’t seen in person).

Anyway, now that the due date is getting closer (five more weeks of work!), shit is starting to get real.  In an attempt not to jinx things, I’ve pretty much avoided buying anything for this baby.  But, of course, I received some new baby clothes for Christmas.  And then, on Friday, while putting away our Christmas ornaments, we pulled out some of the newborn gear: infant car seat, bouncy chairs, floor activity mat.  At the grocery store yesterday, we picked up some newborn and size one diapers. 

I’ve finally moved most of Littleman’s stuff into his big boy room to clear space for Baby Bo’s clothes in the nursery.  Littleman is still sleeping in the crib while we work on the finishing touches in his room, but we’re pretty much ready to go.

So, while I know that things could still go wrong and I’m never going to stop being nervous about that, I’m finally starting to pull myself together and get things ready for our new little guy.

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5 thoughts on “Getting real

  1. This is lovely. Little tiny steps. I understand your need to be cautious, I would (will?) be the exact same. But I love that you’re taking little steps towards this beautiful goal. One step at a time. I’m so excited for you hun xx

    • Thank you! It definitely makes me a bit nervous to see all this baby gear but I also know that I need to be ready. The internal battle between my “nesting” instinct and my fears is tough but I’m making progress!

  2. I had a really hard time getting things ready the second time around. I was just so worried something would go wrong at the last minute. I was so thankful that we already had everything and I didn’t have to worry about actually getting the things and having them in my house before any baby were there (like I did with my second (first successful) pregnancy. It’s hard. But it’s also necessary. It makes me happy that you are taking those steps, because they are necessary, not just to have the stuff ready but to have yourself ready. Things don’t really feel real until you’re making those changes around the house, at least they didn’t for me.

    Good luck getting ready. You’re so close!

  3. Wow. I just read, well, basically your entire blog in one shot. I am going through what you went through last year (I’m just 12 days post D&C), and have found your story, your writing, your ups and down truly inspiring… everything from your son perhaps having had that “6th sense” around your MC (my 13 month old spontaneously said the word “baby” for the first time while holding a little stuffed animal in his arms on none other than the night we found out we’d lost what would have been #2)…to the mind-body disconnect of a silent MC and having to have the D&C procedure…to waiting for your body to finally, physically let go as your mind and heart begin to heal..to not being able to forget the “would-be” dates and milestones from your loss.

    It really is a heartbreaking, surreal experience.

    Your blog and writing give me so much hope. You are so deserving of this next baby. Wishing you nothing but the best as you near the end of your pregnancy.

    Love from Prince Edward Island.

    • I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It truly is the hardest thing I’ve had to experience, but writing about it really helped me to sort out my feelings and begin to heal.

      I know it is still very raw for you so be kind to yourself. While it sometimes feels like things will never look up, I’m learning to believe that good things can happen again.

      Thanks for your comment… my heart goes out to you!

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