Have you ever seen a beached whale try to squeeze itself into a wetsuit? Well, that’s kind of what a pregnant lady looks like when she’s trying to put on a pair of tights.
I accidentally caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning as I grunted, groaned and sweated my way into my maternity tights. Oh boy, what a sight to behold! A round, white belly and some (ever so slightly) pudgy thighs contrasted against black, opaque spandex. It was borderline obscene.
At least it gave me a good laugh, which is hard to do at way-too-early-o’clock. Someone should record this shit and put it on YouTube.
I’ve always been amazed at the lengths we women will go to for fashion: putting up with unbearable pain for a cute pair of heels or freezing our arses off in a great dress. But being pregnant and trying to look decent takes it to a whole new level. It’s possible that I hit rock bottom this morning when I asked my toddler to zip up my knee-high boots. At least he thought it was fun.