I’ve been feeling a bit emotionally unsettled these past few days. I know it’s mainly due to the fact that, at this point in my last pregnancy, my baby had already passed away and I didn’t know it yet. Couple that with the fact that I have to wait another week and a half for my next OB appointment and I become a total basket case.
In the middle of the night last night, as I was lying semi-awake after Littleman awoke screaming, I thought I maybe felt Bo move. It was just a couple little blips, and almost like a woosh/wave inside me. But then, when I woke up this morning, I wondered if it was real or if I imagined it. Or dreamed it. My sleep was disrupted and I remember having pregnancy-related dreams, so maybe what I thought I felt was actually just part of a dream.
I think I was about 16 weeks pregnant with Littleman the first time I felt him move. I’m only about two weeks away from that now, so I suppose it’s possible that I felt Bo. Of course, I’m also well aware that it could have been gas or some other sort of intestinal/digestive business. I wish I knew for sure. I think (no, I know) that feeling my baby move would help lessen my stress and fear right now.
So, I’m kind of feeling like my mind is bouncing all over the place.
On top of all that is the fact that we haven’t started telling people our news yet. A couple of people know (my immediate family, my boss, a friend of D’s, my best friend…) but we haven’t shared the news widely. My colleagues don’t know, D’s family doesn’t know, our neighbours don’t know…
And, while I know people are going to find out at some point, I just can’t figure out when I’m going to feel ready to share the news. I’ve told D that I’d like to wait until after my next appointment (I’ll be 15 weeks at the time), but even then, will I be ready?
My sister, on the other hand, (who is only a couple of days ahead of me) has already told everyone about her pregnancy. She even announced it to her work colleagues before her 12 week ultrasound. She’s told all her friends and our family. I know it’s different for her, having not experienced a miscarriage.
For anyone who has suffered a pregnancy loss, how/when did you feel comfortable sharing the news of a subsequent pregnancy? Rationally, I know that if I was to lose the baby at this stage, most of our close friends/family/colleagues would learn of it and support us as they did last time. But the act of having to retract our pregnancy announcement was a tough blow and I’m not sure I have the strength to do it again. I think my approach this time will be to tell people as I need to, rather than proactively calling or emailing them with our news. We’ll see how that goes.