Feeling and telling

I’ve been feeling a bit emotionally unsettled these past few days.  I know it’s mainly due to the fact that, at this point in my last pregnancy, my baby had already passed away and I didn’t know it yet.  Couple that with the fact that I have to wait another week and a half for my next OB appointment and I become a total basket case.

In the middle of the night last night, as I was lying semi-awake after Littleman awoke screaming, I thought I maybe felt Bo move.  It was just a couple little blips, and almost like a woosh/wave inside me.  But then, when I woke up this morning, I wondered if it was real or if I imagined it.  Or dreamed it.  My sleep was disrupted and I remember having pregnancy-related dreams, so maybe what I thought I felt was actually just part of a dream.

I think I was about 16 weeks pregnant with Littleman the first time I felt him move.  I’m only about two weeks away from that now, so I suppose it’s possible that I felt Bo.  Of course, I’m also well aware that it could have been gas or some other sort of intestinal/digestive business.  I wish I knew for sure.  I think (no, I know) that feeling my baby move would help lessen my stress and fear right now.

So, I’m kind of feeling like my mind is bouncing all over the place.

On top of all that is the fact that we haven’t started telling people our news yet.  A couple of people know (my immediate family, my boss, a friend of D’s, my best friend…) but we haven’t shared the news widely.  My colleagues don’t know, D’s family doesn’t know, our neighbours don’t know…

And, while I know people are going to find out at some point, I just can’t figure out when I’m going to feel ready to share the news.  I’ve told D that I’d like to wait until after my next appointment (I’ll be 15 weeks at the time), but even then, will I be ready?

My sister, on the other hand, (who is only a couple of days ahead of me) has already told everyone about her pregnancy.  She even announced it to her work colleagues before her 12 week ultrasound.  She’s told all her friends and our family.  I know it’s different for her, having not experienced a miscarriage.

For anyone who has suffered a pregnancy loss, how/when did you feel comfortable sharing the news of a subsequent pregnancy?  Rationally, I know that if I was to lose the baby at this stage, most of our close friends/family/colleagues would learn of it and support us as they did last time.  But the act of having to retract our pregnancy announcement was a tough blow and I’m not sure I have the strength to do it again.  I think my approach this time will be to tell people as I need to, rather than proactively calling or emailing them with our news.  We’ll see how that goes.


5 thoughts on “Feeling and telling

  1. Unfortunately, I haven’t had a pregnancy go past 10 weeks since my daughter was born, but if I were to get preggo now (ha!), I would announce to family by 12 weeks (earlier if they suspected due to my incessant puking), at work whenever it became necessary for the baby’s safety (some of the stuff I have to do at work is dangerous when pregnant), and on public forums like Facebook only after the baby was safely in my arms. The idea of a pregnancy take-back horrifies me, and I know there are no guarantees. Four losses has made me into a very skeptical person.

  2. Hi 🙂 I TOTALLY get that you feel like this….we have been trying for 14 months now for our second(our 1st took seven loooong yrs) ..I had a mc at 10 wks on the new yr this year and it was really traumatic to have to tell everyone that my pregnancy had ended 😦 and for this reason I would feel the same as you when it comes to telling EVERYBODY about our news …close ones yep but others no…not untill I couldn’t hide it no more I suppose- bump wise….
    I hope up you manage to get through the next 10 days my love as i am sure you will…try not to stress my dear ok…hugs…:)

  3. My loss was super early at 6 weeks last time. So once I had the 12 week ultrasound this time, I felt okay sharing with the world. Strangely though, I have a hard time sharing in person, but was okay sharing it online and via email. I went to a family function and someone asked if I was going to make an announcement but that was too weird. I would rather people who know tell others quietly. I’m sure this isn’t totally normal but saying it out loud to a roomful of people felt way more jinxing than sharing on FB did.

  4. I will always marvel at those people who tell the world before they even know what’s what. Even before I experienced loss, I don’t think I would have felt comfortable with that! When I got pregnant for the second time, we told some immediate family and one of my close friends, just because I felt we needed the prayers as we were so nervous after our loss, and if (when) something went wrong we’d need the support. I still think that logic makes sense, but if we get pregnant again I doubt I’d feel comfortable telling anyone until…well, really until the baby was born alive and kicking, if that were possible. I think really you just have to do what is comfortable for you.

    In my first pregnancy, I could feel movement from about 14 weeks. My doctor said it was unusual, but possible, so it could be little Bo is making him/herself known! Either way, I hope those flutters soon turn into a strong and frequent reassurance that all is well 🙂

  5. Now, at 14 weeks and a few days, I want to tell people. Not everyone, but more extended family and friends. It’s tough though. I’ve been “meaning” to call my grandparents to tell them, and attempted to tell a close aunt this past weekend, but I get overwhelmed with nerves and can’t do it.
    I don’t have another OB appointment for a little over two weeks– it’s driving me insane. I’m starting to show & fear my body will do the telling for me, at least at work. So, I may end up telling my boss before my next appointment (I’ll be 17 weeks).
    I think telling people as you need to is a good plan. Or as you want to. Do what feels right (or wait until you have a giant bump & they can just guess!).

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