When I first started writing here in this space, I was in a pretty bad place. It was just days after finding out about my missed miscarriage and going through a D&C. I was a complete mess. I sat at home, alone, suffering from a broken heart that was brought on by my broken body.
I wasn’t ready to talk about it. I was too sad and it was too hard. I have great friends and I’m very close with my family, but I’d never had to deal with something like this before and I didn’t know how to talk to them about it.
That’s when I started writing.
For years – throughout trying to conceive and being pregnant – I had lurked on pregnancy and fertility blogs. I read people’s stories but I always stayed silent. But this time, it felt like I needed an outlet for my own feelings.
This isn’t the first blog I’ve written. In 2009, D and I purchased our first home. It is a semi-detached house on a wonderful street in a great neighbourhood. It had the same owner for 50 years before he passed away. The house was in excellent condition but it was OLD. D is extremely handy and had always wanted a fixer-upper. So, as we embarked on a major renovation, we decided to blog about it. The original intention of that blog was to have a way to share photos and updates with our friends and family, who were all very interested in tracking our progress. It seemed easier than having to email everyone photos all the time. In time, we discovered we had other readers and had connected with some homeowners who were doing similar renovations. It was a fun little project and is a great “scrapbook” of our renovation days. Of course, after Littleman came along, the projects slowed down and the blog died off.
This current blog is so different. I started writing for myself, not for anyone else. I haven’t shared it with anyone I know. It’s about my feelings and my body, rather than a hobby or a home. And while I’m somewhat anonymous here, it still feels so much more personal. So much more me.
I’ve been truly amazed by the incredibly supportive people I’ve connected with through writing. I can’t tell you how much this has helped me through the tough times. And it’s still helping me. So, really, what I want to say is thank you. Thank you to all of you out there who have taken the time to leave a comment and provide your suggestions and support. I know there are so many people out there who have gone through difficult things, horrible things, and I’m so touched that you take the time to reach out to me. Whether I’m feeling sad or I have some happy news, it’s wonderful to have you there with me for the ride.