I’m feeling a bit down today. In fact, I’ve been feeling pretty blah all weekend. Perhaps it’s because my fertile time is approaching and I can’t really believe that I have to go through the stress of trying to conceive all over again.
It’s been a few months (six to be exact) since we were last trying to conceive. But I haven’t forgotten for a second how I felt during of each of the months that we tried. Aside from the first couple months of trying the first time around (back when I was naïve and thought we would be successful right away), all the other months have felt pretty much the same. It usually goes something like this:
CD 1-5: disappointed, sad, grumpy, bitchy
CD 6-15: bored, impatient
CD 16-20: watchful, excited, ready, tired, sore
CD 21-28: relieved, optimistic, hopeful, anxious, nervous
CD: 29-32: pessimistic, scared, a teeny bit hopeful…disappointed
Then it starts all over again. And repeats like a broken record. Or that scene in European Vacation where Clark Griswold drives in circles because he can’t figure out how to get out of the roundabout.
Now that I’m back here, I hope with all my heart that I don’t get stuck in that loop again. Because, aside from a little bit of excitement and the teeniest sliver of hope, the rest of those feelings are pretty damn miserable.
- Here we go again (a.k.a. CD 1) (anotherbun.wordpress.com)