Now that we’re officially “allowed” to start trying to conceive again, I can’t help thinking about what it will do to my mental health. I like to think of myself as a pretty well-balanced person, but I will admit freely that the TTC journey brings out the crazy in me.
I am not usually a superstitious person. I will walk under a ladder. I don’t care if a black cat crosses my path (as long as it crosses it as far away as possible – I’m terrified of cats!) I’ll open an umbrella indoors. In fact, I’ve always found all that stuff kind of silly.
But for some reason, with my last pregnancy, I found myself secretly superstitious.
That half-used box of tampons in the bathroom cupboard? I couldn’t bring myself to remove it just in case it jinxed things. My basal thermometer that sits front and centre in the top drawer of my bedside table? I had to leave it exactly where it was just in case.
And when my early ultrasounds had the baby measuring a week behind and my doctor changed my due date so that it was no longer September 13 (Friday the 13th), well, I was pretty OK with that too.
Looking back, I wonder why I felt like that. Would the outcome of my pregnancy be any different if I’d thrown away those tampons? Would my baby still be growing if my thermometer got buried deeper in my drawer? Was Friday the 13th an unlucky due date? Obviously, I know the answer to all these questions: no.
Which leads to another question: am I just totally crazy? No, I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure I’m just a normal mommy who worries about things that I have no control over. And the silly superstitions were a way of coping with the stress and worry.
I’m going to try my best to calm and crazy-free this time around, although I know that won’t be easy. Wish me luck!