I survived my follow-up appointment.
Before I arrived, I was nervous about how I would feel walking through the hospital again. But my appointment was first thing in the morning and traffic was bad so I was in a bit of rush when I arrived. I didn’t have much time to think about where I was as a rushed through the main entrance of the hospital and hustled over to the elevators.
It was the elevators, though, that set me off. The hospital’s main wing is bright and open. The elevators are full glass so you can see each of the floors you are passing. I was staring out the side of the elevator, waiting to reach the top floor, when it stopped to let some people off. When I looked up, I was staring right into the ultrasound waiting area for the Women and Babies program. I felt my stomach lurch as I saw the women sitting exactly where I waited six weeks ago today for the ultrasound that ultimately told me my baby was dead. Then, in that same moment, an ultrasound tech came out to fetch a patient. And it was her… the one who saw me that day. The one whose face told me everything as she checked to see what was causing my spotting.
I took a deep breath and blinked back the tears as the elevator closed and moved upwards, the pregnant ladies and the tech disappearing from my view.
When I arrived at Dr. P’s office, I was lucky enough to catch a break. There was no one else there. As I was waiting to be called in, three other people arrived. None of them were visibly pregnant. In fact a couple of them were older women, who were most likely there for a reason other than pregnancy. I said a silent thank you to whoever decided to schedule me for this morning Perhaps they schedule regular gynecological patients separately from obstetrical patients. Or perhaps it was a fluke. Either way, I felt very relieved. I was already overcome with emotions just being there and I wasn’t sure I could tolerate any other triggers at that point.
Dr. P came to call me in. He told me the D&C had gone very well and asked me about my recovery. He said my two weeks of spotting sounded pretty normal. He asked if my period had returned and I told him about my “sort of” period from last week. He said that was pretty normal too and that it would likely be closer to what it used to be by my next cycle.
Then he talked about the miscarriage. He said that there was no indication of what had caused it. He had checked my uterus during the surgery for any abnormalities and said all was normal. He assured me that there was nothing I could have done differently – nothing I could have eaten or not eaten, no activity I could have done or not done – that would have changed the outcome.
So, what’s next? Dr. P wants us to wait for one more period before trying to conceive again. At that point, he suggested that we use OPKs (check, already doing it) and to time intercourse accordingly (check, feels like we’ve been doing that forever). If I do become pregnant, he recommended that I start taking baby aspirin right away. He said that it can help with early miscarriages. Since I had a later miscarriage, it may not help but he said it would be of no harm.
I was a bit concerned that he would just send me on my way and tell me that, if I was to get pregnant, I wouldn’t see him again until I was 12 weeks. I was relieved to hear that he would monitor me more closely than that. He wants me to call him right away if I get pregnant and he said he would like to do an early ultrasound around six weeks and another around 11 weeks.
But that’s getting ahead of ourselves. What if I don’t get pregnant? I told him that it took us a while to conceive both times and asked how long we should try before we should be concerned. Since I’m 35, he recommended that we come back and see him if we aren’t pregnant after six months.
Then, Dr. P did an internal exam and told me that everything was normal. He sent me for a blood test to check my thyroid, but he doesn’t really suspect that there are any issues.
So there we go. No real answers as to what happened, so nothing I can do differently to ensure a better outcome next time. But, at least we have a bit of a plan in place for what comes next. The whole thing was a little more emotionally draining than I expected, but overall, I’m relieved to know that we can start trying again soon.