Counting weeks

I would have been – should have been – 16 weeks today.

At what point after a miscarriage do you stop looking at the calendar and thinking I would have been X weeks pregnant today?  Immediately after I learned that our baby had passed away, I came home and, through my tears, promptly deleted all the pregnancy apps from my iPhone.  You know, the ones that give you the weekly updates and tell you that they baby is now the size of a plum or an avocado or a rutabaga?

But, for some reason, deleting those apps hasn’t been enough to stop me from remembering how far along I’m supposed to be.  I guess this is probably normal.  From the moment you find out you’re pregnant (at which point you are already a few weeks along – yay!) you live your life by the week.  At any given point during either of my pregnancies, I could have told you exactly how many weeks and days along I was without even thinking about it.  So, I suppose it makes sense that you don’t just forget about it after you lose the baby.

But, sometimes, I kind of wish I could forget.

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6 thoughts on “Counting weeks

  1. Hugs, sweetie- I would have been a little more than 16 weeks by now with my last loss as well. I did try to stop counting- it didn’t work out so well. I still know exactly how old each of my lost babies would be, too. It’s hard to let it go, no matter how badly you want to. Be kind to yourself right now.

  2. What you’re feeling now is real. You have every right to grieve, know that. I have had two miscarriages, most recent one was 4 years ago and I still cry over the loss every once in a while. I wish you strength and courage x

  3. You don’t stop counting weeks until after your EDD. Then you’ll count the years. My last one was two years ago, and it still hurts. Give yourself time. ❤

  4. How long you count the weeks will depend a lot on you. After Oscar and Bella were born/died I stopped counting how pregnant I was and began counting how long they had been gone. One of the hardest days for me was when they were gone 18 weeks, one day more than I had carried them. As K said, until your EDD passes (another very hard day), I wouldn’t be surprised if you kept counting weeks, even subconsciously.

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