I would have been – should have been – 16 weeks today.
At what point after a miscarriage do you stop looking at the calendar and thinking I would have been X weeks pregnant today? Immediately after I learned that our baby had passed away, I came home and, through my tears, promptly deleted all the pregnancy apps from my iPhone. You know, the ones that give you the weekly updates and tell you that they baby is now the size of a plum or an avocado or a rutabaga?
But, for some reason, deleting those apps hasn’t been enough to stop me from remembering how far along I’m supposed to be. I guess this is probably normal. From the moment you find out you’re pregnant (at which point you are already a few weeks along – yay!) you live your life by the week. At any given point during either of my pregnancies, I could have told you exactly how many weeks and days along I was without even thinking about it. So, I suppose it makes sense that you don’t just forget about it after you lose the baby.
But, sometimes, I kind of wish I could forget.