Stuff people say

I know that situations like miscarriages are hard for people.  Friends and family want to comfort you but they don’t know what to say.  Thank goodness we live in the electronic age, where people can send you an email or text instead of having to talk to everyone in person or on the phone.  I can barely talk to my mom, my sister and my best friend right now, so I don’t know how I could tolerate talking to anyone else.

Our second trip out in public after the miscarriage was a trip to the grocery store.  It was a Monday afternoon, so we figured it was a good time to go.  When we arrived back home, there were two bouquets of flowers on our porch.  Really nice gestures from some family and friends, but kind of made me feel a bit sick.

Then there are the words that people say, trying to be helpful:  “Things happen for a reason.”  “Good things will come in time.”  “It wasn’t meant to be.”

I know that people are not trying to be hurtful with these statements.  They probably don’t know what on earth to say to me and these sound like good, generic, miscarriage-related statements.  But it feels bad.  I know in my heart that there was probably something wrong with the baby and so this miscarriage “happened for a reason.”  But right now, no one can tell me that reason and it just makes me mad to think about it.

I’m trying to cut people some slack though, because I know they care about us and they just want to reach out and help in whatever way they can.  Unfortunately, sometimes saying things just makes you feel worse.


One thought on “Stuff people say

  1. For sure it happened for a reason. And most probably, this baby aborted because it wasn’t healthy.
    But – why couldn’t s/he have been healthy???
    So what if there’s a reason – there’s no reason that this pregnancy couldn’t have ended with the same cute, healthy baby that my first one (thank G-d) ended with with.
    People just don’t get it.

    Yeah, it wasn’t meant to be. But unless you have a good, convincing reason why yours WAS meant to be (and you’re pregnant three months after delivery) and mine wasn’t, then just be quiet.

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