I know why people wait until after the first trimester to tell their friends and family that they are pregnant. Usually, by this point, you’ve seen the baby moving. You’ve seen and heard the heartbeat. You’ve passed a lot of major developmental milestones and you feel like you’re in the “safe zone.”
We adhered to this school of thought pretty strictly for both of our pregnancies. To help us get through the long wait, we each told one close friend, but other than that, we told no one. Not our parents, not our siblings, not our friends or our colleagues.
After our NT scan at 12 weeks, when everything looked great and we hear our baby’s heartbeat for the first time, we happily shared the news with the world. Since our Littleman was going to get a new sibling, we made him a t-shirt which he wore proudly as he marched into my parents’ house to announce our news. Littleman wearing his “I’m going to be a big brother” t-shirt became our way of announcing our news to all our friends and family. Everyone was excited and happy for us.
I know that miscarriage is hard at any time of the pregnancy. I don’t think losing my baby at 14 weeks is any harder to deal with than someone who suffered an ectopic pregnancy or a miscarriage at 8 weeks. Dealing with the loss is awful, no matter when it happens. For us, it would have been a tragedy at any time, but even a couple of weeks earlier meant it could have been a more private tragedy.
“How do we un-tell everyone?” I sobbed to D after it happened.
This was the part that I dreaded. And when I finally started doing it, all the emotions flooded back again, making it seem more real, more final. Where possible we had other people pass along the news for us. My mom told our extended family and my sister. My boss told my other colleagues. But for the majority of our friends, we had to do it ourselves. We chose to tell by email, keeping it short and letting everyone know that we appreciate their friendship and that we know that they will be thinking of us during our difficult time.