The moment everything changes

Even if you suspect that there could be something wrong with your pregnancy, or even if you are the biggest worrier on the planet, I don’t think you can ever prepare yourself for the moment the doctor tells you the baby is gone.

My mom and I sat in the waiting area at the hospital for my ultrasound appointment.  When the tech came to get me, I told to my mom to wait, that I could go on my own.  As soon as I got up on the table and the tech put the probe on my stomach, I knew it was over.  Her face literally deflated.  She didn’t say anything but her expression said it all.  She told me to wait there and left the room for a moment.  It felt like an eternity, but a minute later she returned with one of the high-risk OBs that I remember from our time at the hospital when pregnant with our son.  “I’m sorry I have some bad news,” he said.  “It’s a miscarriage.  The baby has died.”

This is the part that keeps replaying in my head when I close my eyes.  Even though I knew it was coming before he entered the room, those words remain so clear.  I don’t know exactly what I said at that point.  I know that the tech went to get my mom and that they told me I would go see my OB, Dr. P.  I called to D to tell him the news, but again, I can’t really remember the conversation.

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4 thoughts on “The moment everything changes

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I recently went through a similar experience — I had a missed miscarriage in February that terminated with medication and then a D&C a couple of weeks ago. It’s an awful, gaping wound in my heart and I’m sure yours too. Hugs xo

    • Thanks Lauren. I’ve just checked out your blog. It really helps to see that others have gone through similar experiences and understand the pain. All the best to you!

  2. Pingback: Taking stock of my feelings | Another bun (in the oven)?

  3. Pingback: Where we were last year | Another bun (in the oven)?

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